Christianity is known for what it is against, not what it is for. We need to change that perception. You don’t lead someone by being angry at them; you lead someone by inspiring them. So instead of shouting about what we’re against, we need to be focusing on what we’re for.

People change because they are inspired to, not because they are just told to. Unfortunately, Christians can be so focused on changing people’s behavior that they miss the heart. In fact, no one changes their behavior unless their heart is changed anyway.

You don’t tell your kids not to do something wrong because it’s wrong. You give them reasons why the behavior is wrong and could be harmful. We don’t tell our kids to not speed because it’s the law! We say don’t speed because your life is precious, and you don’t want to do anything that could harm yourself. We also have an incredible responsibility to other precious people who may be passengers with us or in another vehicle.

We don’t speed because we have purpose and a future and because we love others and would never want to hurt them. We don’t tell our kids it’s wrong to get drunk just because the Bible says so. We tell them why New Testament Christians warned us to not get drunk. It’s because when we are inebriated, we make bad decisions that could hurt ourselves, our future, and others. More people get killed from drunk drivers and drunk accidents than many other harmful practices. For example, Peter tells us clearly: 

1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

We don’t want to open any doors to the enemy that could hurt us or others. In all of these examples, my point is to display how we talk about what we’re for, not just what we’re against. We aren’t just against drinking; we are for loving others and making great decisions in the right frame of mind. We are for going the speed limit because we love ourselves and others and never want to jeopardize that value.

So, as followers of Christ, we have to talk about what we’re for more than what we’re against.

Here’s how you can do that: 

1) Change Your Narrative 

Talk about what you are for by capitalizing on the positive reasons something is important. Your narrative needs to be one of purpose and hope. God’s way of life for us is not about following blind rules; they are about us becoming our best self through His guidance. He is not restricting us out of dictatorship authority for no reason. He is protecting us from hurting our potential.  

2) Change Your Tone

Don’t get angry with people about their behavior; simply help point them to a greater possibility. It is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. We are called to emulate that same kindness and grace to others by leading them. Look at what Paul said, 

Romans 2:4 (NLT)

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

Maybe if Christians spent more time giving people an example to be inspired by, rather than yelling at them, we would see a greater life change. We need to have real grace with people as we love them to the cross rather than trying to force them to the cross. Let your tone be one of hope and purpose, not anger and frustration. 

3) Change Your Time-Frame

We have to be patient with people. You can’t expect them to change overnight all the time. You have to keep planting seeds, watering those seeds, and allow God to sprout the fruit. People are worth our patience. I have found there is no such thing as a hopeless situation…just hopeless people. There is always a way to bring hope back to people; they just need someone to help them find it again. People need time to develop. So even with expectations and accountability, you need to be patient with people.

Focus on what you’re for, not just what you’re against.