Everyone has a phrase that means more than anything else to them.

We all want to be encouraged, but how we receive encouragement varies from person to person. As an encourager, it is vital that you know how the people around you want to be lifted up. There is a phrase or certain words that mean more to them than others.

Encouraging everyone the same way doesn’t work. For one, it can come across robotic and not personal to others. Second, encouraging everyone with the same words doesn’t take in to account the uniqueness about the person you are intending to inspire.

When you know someone’s phrase it can become a trigger you can use to spur them on. I don’t mean this in a disingenuous manipulative way, but in a way that becomes a hot button of motivation. It becomes an instant source of value for the receiver.

So how do you discover someone’s phrase?

1) Listen To What They Value

You know what someone values by how much they talk about it. What do they keep coming back to again and again? Repetition reveals values. People are known for the things they continually emphasize. Listen to the things that are important to them. Study how people think and operate. The better you understand people, the easier it will be to connect with them. People are like chess pieces, not checkers. In checkers, you treat every piece the same. But in chess, you have to be aware of how each piece uniquely functions in order to win. Failing to understand how people operate can be the difference between winning and losing.

2) Test Their Phrase

Don’t be afraid to try out what you think their phrase is. Watch how they respond. When you use their phrase it will cause a reaction of some sort, big or small. People can’t help but physically respond with a smile, blush, or better posture when they hear what means the most to them. Pay close attention to how they respond to your words, and notice the subtle signs they give, clueing you in on what matters most to them. In the same vein, take note as to what doesn’t spark their interest. You might work really hard on something that makes no difference at all to them. Don’t waste time on things that don’t matter or that fail to get points up on the board.

3) Ask Them

Maybe this one should have been first…If you are having a hard time deciphering someone’s phrase, simply ask them what means the most to them. Get them to define their motivational hot button that they aspire to hear because of their effort. Getting to know what fills someone’s motivational tank is a sign of a great encourager. The more you know the people around you the more you can impact them. Ask them how they would like to be encouraged and what matters most to them and then capitalize on it in a genuine way.